


Lifetimes

by spacemetaphor



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Day 1, Eruri Week, I Tried, M/M, Some Fluff, Some angst, happy new years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 16:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3074654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacemetaphor/pseuds/spacemetaphor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin remembered the first time Levi kissed him. The smaller man kissed like he was still fighting Erwin, still trapped in those days where a blade against his throat was the only caress he granted. It was a surrender, though, that first time their lips met and their teeth jarred together uncomfortably, Levi growling low in his throat, Erwin's hands holding Levi's waist to pull him in closer. Erwin knew when Levi was fighting, struggling with all his strength and a blade in each hand, and he knew when he had given up.</p><p>Eruri week 2014. Day 1: past/future</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lifetimes

**Author's Note:**

> Happy new years, and happy eruri week! I knocked this one out really quickly, so I hope it's still ok.

Erwin remembered the first time Levi kissed him. The smaller man kissed like he was still fighting Erwin, still trapped in those days where a blade against his throat was the only caress he granted. It was a surrender, though, that first time their lips met and their teeth jarred together uncomfortably, Levi growling low in his throat, Erwin's hands holding Levi's waist to pull him in closer. Erwin knew when Levi was fighting, struggling with all his strength and a blade in each hand, and he knew when he had given up.

"I wasn't going to love you," Levi murmured when they broke apart. Erwin leaned down to rest his forehead against Levi's, skin to skin in the solitude of Erwin's office, and the sinking sun behind them. A gentle touch in a cruel world was a rare thing, and Levi leaned into it, sighing, so that his warm breath brushed against Erwin's face. "I wasn't going to do that to either of us."

Erwin's hand cradled the back of Levi's head, exploring the different textures in the short roughness of the shaved hair and the black silk of the longer strands. 

"I've loved you for a long time," he confessed, hand travelling until he feels the swift beat of Levi's pulse beneath his fingers. There's so much life there, blood pumping through veins to feed Levi's heart. Erwin hated that he could imagine blood staining that neck, the flutter of Levi's life fading away into the moan of emptiness he would leave behind. Love is a risky thing for men such as them. At the moment, he couldn't bring himself to care as much as he should. "There's a saying, that if I love you, I should let go of you, Levi. It's not my place to hold you here."

"It's a little late for that," Levi told him. "You're a fucking idiot if you think you could keep me anywhere I didn't want to be. I'm not that selfless, Erwin, that I'd stay if there wasn't anything worth staying for."

Erwin wanted to tell Levi that yes, he is that selfless. He's seen him on the field, kneeling in dirt and puddles of blood to comfort the fallen. Levi, who dirties himself only for the sake of others. 

Levi's moves Erwin's hand, though, gripping his wrist and guiding it until Erwin's palm rested over the left side of Levi's chest. 

"Not just for humanity," Levi said. "For you. I didn't want to fall in love with you, Erwin, but it's hardly the first time I've let myself down."

When Levi kissed him again it was gentler than the last time. They found their rhythm, rocking against each other. The next morning came too early, but the sight of Levi, naked and bathed in the yellow glow of sunlight was one Erwin would never forget.

...

There's another time he'll never forget. He'll still wake up, bathed in sweat, Levi's name on his tongue, choking him. Levi's body, so small, deceptively fragile, folded onto the ground like a discarded toy. The sun is setting, that time, and it dyes Levi's body as red as the blood that stains his uniform. Erwin kneels over him. One moment. Just one more moment to say goodbye. Hange was behind him, tightlipped and serious. Her gear might be broken, Erwin thought, but she looked at the titan without fear. She'd hold it off, Erwin knew, just long enough for him to say one selfish farewell. 

"You've done so well, Levi," he whispered, and he thought the corners of Levi's pale and cracked lips turned up just a little. His hand in Erwin's felt small and broken, the knuckles stained with blood and grime caked underneath his fingernails. He would have hated that, if he'd had the strength. Erwin's hands are red with Levi's blood, and Erwin knows that, at least, would never change. "Thank you."

Leaning forward, he let his lips brush Levi's forehead. He could feel the moment when Levi's breathing stopped.

It would be months later when Erwin died. He imagined that Levi was there during the last moments, hand wrapped around his until he's pried away so Erwin can be placed in his coffin. Even in his next life the nightmares will continue, twisted sheets and tangled screams, and a name he can't even remember.

...

The next time he recognizes Levi it's through the sight of a gun. Erwin catches his breath, breathes in cold air and puffs out a cloud of fog into the swirling snow. Levi's below him, a knife in his hand as he advances forward. There's a man kneeling in front of him, babbling in a language Erwin doesn't understand. He doesn't have to recognize the words, though. He can tell when someone is begging for their life. Levi's eyes are hard and flat, slate grey and solid as rock. Erwin wonders what he's been through in this life; who or what sucked the humanity out of him and left a shell?

"Is there a problem?" Shadis demands from where he's crouched next to Erwin. The blonde man fixes his gaze back on Levi. He's raising the knife. The man's pleading is rising to a crescendo, a stream of prayers pouring out of his mouth in offering.

"No, sir," Erwin says. He pulls the trigger.

Levi looks at him, and his face crumbles with realization right before the bullet buries itself between his eyes.

...

The next time is just as brief. He sees Levi across the street, striding quickly forward. His head is angled down, eyes fixed on the sidewalk. His coat hangs loose on him, too wide in the shoulders, far too large for his slim figure. He hold it around himself as he stops, lifts a hand into the air to flag down a taxi. Erwin remembers when he draped his own coats over Levi's shoulders. The smaller man was incredibly susceptible to any chills, and Erwin often held him close on cold nights, savoring the scent of Levi's freshly washed hair while Levi rubbed his cold feet against Erwin's calves.

"You're such a sap, old man," Levi would mutter when Erwin peppered the top of his head with gentle kisses. "Seriously, cut it out, asshole."

"I love you," Erwin would tell him, and the flush on Levi's cheeks was a delightful gift. 

"Fuck you," Levi said. It wasn't until after he thought Erwin was asleep that he would press his face against Erwin's neck, his arms wrapped around him. "I love you, too."

Seeing Levi, Erwin wonders who's coat that is. Who does Levi lie with at night, whisper love confessions to in the late hours? Erwin moves without thinking, dashing across the street. A car honks at him, barely skidding to a stop a few feet from him. The driver throws Erwin the finger, screaming obscene words after his running figure. Erwin doesn't stop. 

He's too late. Levi slips into a yellow car, his expression as pinched and stern as usual. He never turns, never sees Erwin. 

...

The last time, Erwin catches him. Levi orders a coffee, black, and a bagel with cream cheese. He's just leaving, steaming drink in one hand and a tiny brown paper bag in the other when Erwin steps out of the backroom and sees him. There's no hesitation. Erwin tears out the door, throwing his employees apron recklessly to the side.

"Levi!" he calls.

The man turns, his mouth opening in shock as Erwin's hand closes around his wrist, pulling him towards him. The coffee spills between them, a scalding hot mess on their arms and the sidewalk. 

"Asshole," Levi swears. "That was a new shirt."

Erwin laughs, giddy with delight at the recognition he sees filling Levi's eyes. The next second Levi's arms are around him, his face buried in Erwin's chest.

"Levi," Erwin gasps. He can feel tears beginning to form behind his eyes. Levi, the beginning and end of his world. The sensation of Levi's form held against his is all Erwin could ever need. I gave my heart. I'll always give it.

Levi pulls his face just far enough away from Erwin's chest so that his words won't be muffled in Erwin's shirt.

"Just ask me to marry you already, you ridiculous old shit."

Erwin does. Right there, by the side of the street, in front of a Starbucks. 

Levi looks at him, kneeling on the cracked pavement while passersby try to pretend they aren't staring.

"It only took you three and a half lifetimes."

**Author's Note:**

> Erwin shot Levi in that one universe because he was a spy and Levi was an assassin. I love assassin Levi. That was my tiny nod to that. Anyway, I'm hoping to get another one of these done tomorrow. If you liked this, please leave a comment because I live off of those. Also, you can find me on tumblr at http://commandershit.tumblr.com/  
> I would love it if you checked out my blog there!  
> Thank you for reading :)


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